New job blues

I started a new job last week, exciting right? Well, not so much. I work as a nurse’s aide and this job is in a local hospital (previously I’d always worked in nursing homes and that was in a different state from where I’m living now).  After three days of training I don’t like it even though working in a hospital was a goal and I thought I’d be able to stay there for many years. The workload and pace is double what I’m used to, the expectations and responsibilities are so much higher and the 12-hour shifts absolutely suck.

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Everyone there keeps saying “you’ll get it, you’ll catch on” and I’m not sure I really want to catch on and work myself into exhaustion. On top of that my overly developed sense of responsibility is kicking in and I feel like I’m letting everyone down if I decide to leave. All that is doing is creating guilt and anxiety in me which is in turn fueling my depression and feelings of inadequacy. Part of me thinks that I’m becoming unemployable.

The thing is the job is not stimulating in any way and it is also not at all what I thought it would be. My unit is called the wound care unit and I thought all the patients there would be being treated for various wounds they might have. Not so as they get any and all patients from the ER that have to be admitted–elderl;y, homeless, the mentally challenged, people detoxing from drugs and/or alcohol, hospice patients and patients  with MRSA and other isolation necessary conditions. Honestly, I fucking hate it there.

I need to get perfectly clear on what type of job I want first and I mean crystal clear down to the last detail. Then I can make it happen. Until then–unemployment for me again.

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